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 Targeted Age Group:: 18+
Discover the one word that will change your life.
Uncover outrageously unusual secrets for getting on with your life after a big disappointment, loss, breakup, divorce, or being dumped. No matter what you’ve been through, every reader (you) will achieve a heightened sense of happiness and a deeper level of confidence than you ever imagined.
Inspirational stories and hilarious activities will awaken your genius and motivate you to revitalize your life in ways you never thought of.
You’ll not only learn how to tie knots when you’re at the end of your rope, pamper yourself (you’ll go back to this chapter for the rest of your life), and outsmart a bear; you will find remarkable ideas to enhance your notoriety before you croak. PLUS, a sure-fire plan for getting your life back.
Full of:
Encouragement
Enlightenment
Life Hacks
Recipes
Healing
Travel Blooper Remedies
Fun facts about potatoes, dogs, cows, & various other varmints
Gut-busting inspiration to create happiness all around you
Gleeful tactics to escape humiliation, balconies, & boredom
This collection of irreverent tales and ingenious schemes is woven into a series of hilarious triumphs filled with love, grief, and mischief. You can laugh, you may cry, but you will ultimately be entertained and redirected in a meaningful way as you find the secret to true happiness.
It’s a Journal
It’s a Vision Board
It’s entertaining, comical, & inspiring
Coffee Cups & Wine Glasses is the perfect gift for yourself, your friends, and anyone who needs a lighthearted boost, a new outlook on life, is suddenly single, or needs to learn just how brave and lovable they are.
Link To Coffee Cups & Wine Glasses, Hilarious Secrets to Heal a Broken Heart & Get Your Life Back! On Amazon Kindle Unlimited
What Inspired You to Write Your Book?
I was inspired to write this book after finding myself alone, locked out of my secluded cabin naked it a violent thunderstorm only days after I moved 250 miles from my house and career to let a gold-digging falsie floozy move in with my husband. I had never been alone before, ever. When my husband of 30 years dumped the family for a trash tramp, my life changed forever. I didn't know how to handle it without humor and I wanted to let other jilted wanderers know why they are not alone!
I've come up with some pretty unique and unusual approaches to finding purpose and building a life I want to live. I've shared some wonderfully wacky uplifting ideas to fill your world with happiness and humor.
How Did You Come up With Your Characters?
The characters are people who have passed through my life. Some were crazy enough to stay! They are real characters.
Book Excerpt/Sample
Reading Instructions
By falling into this book, you will become skilled in dodging, slamming into, and laughing at the unwelcome changes life throws at you. Every chapter reveals recipes, outlandish skills, or activities to enrich your life with whimsey and flair, much like a life hack.
A “Life Hack” is a clever trick to provide simple solutions to life’s frustrations … Like getting your Life Back.
A “DOIT” is an obsolete Dutch coin of little value. But when you DOiT, you will gain significant value.
Hence: the discoveries at the end of every chapter are your “Life-Back-DOiTs.” You are encouraged to try them (for free). They are a valuable wealth of knowledge for your pleasure, confidence and absurdity. So, when you reach the end of every chapter, just DOiT. Get it?
Congratulations! You are among the first to implement “Life-Back-DOiTs” to become a human genius!
(Wine glass raised here.)
Sample DOiT:
Take A Stuffed Animal To The Vet. Be all freaked out about his condition, and tell everyone how much he means to you. Call him by his name and talk to him to calm him down. Be sure to escape before they call someone to lock you up.
OK, that was a bad example, but you get the idea. DOiTs are usually useful, but sometimes silly.
DOiT Journal.
Writing helps you clear your head and own up to the fact that you are the one making decisions about what you think … and want … and do. DOiT while you’re still sober. If it’s too late for that, write it anyway! That may be more fun to look back on.
A prompt after every chapter encourages you to reach inside yourself to reveal your buried self-wisdom and intuitions to Get Your Life Back. DOiT darlin’ (If you want to).
Footnotes:
THEY: The experts who know everything, as in “THEY say”
I didn’t want to Dick-up this book too much, so to clarify the references to RC on the following pages:
RC stands for Richard Cranium. (Dick-Head).
(Richard = Dick) (Cranium = Head) – my RC or yours, he’s just a Dick Head.
Potato-Smasher-Word: Write inspiring words on pieces of paper to hang from your potato-smasher with colorful twine or yarn. I’ll point out a few as we go. Sounds crazy? Think of it as a hanging vision mobile. You’re smashing; so keep searching for something good and smash it! (In a good way.) Besides, it gives you something to do with your hands between drinking sessions.
1
Escaping A Breakup With Your Potato-Smasher
“Humility, that low, sweet root, from which all heavenly virtues shoot.”~Thomas Moore
If you have found humility, or it has found you, you are human. Who needs a bottle of wine when heartbreak can make you just as senseless? Even if you feel like you’re eating soup with a fork, don’t lose hope. First, you have become virtuous by continuing to breathe after your heart was crushed. Secondly, simply escape. If you’re the type to stay and fight for what you want, you will discover when, or if, it’s time to pack your bags, even if you don’t know where to go.
After being humiliated too many times, the conflict between what you know and what you feel
can be resolved by looking at where you are. If it’s where you want to be, then … there you are. But if you’re making a complete fool of yourself and torturing everyone in your life, it’s time to get out of the arcade and make your way to a new mecca. Take charge of your itinerary. It’s not easy, but you will find a way if you open your mind to all possible routes. I will help you.
I learned an ingenious tactic when I slid into an obscure hideout with a wave of relief. I had escaped. A new life began for me when I had my tolerance tested. It was negative. So were the emotions seeping from my marriage. It was time to go.
You probably don’t know about the guarded secret I am about to expose. (I had a top-secret clearance back then.) It was a passage to paradise, behind an obvious facade, veiled in plain view. I am prone to exaggeration, so I am intentionally being conservative here in telling you about my flight to freedom where I discovered this oasis.
It all began, after 30 years of marriage when my X (RC) gave me two weeks to move my belongings from our house so his Texas Trash Tramp could move in. You may have discovered that in the middle of a crisis, you just don’t think rationally. So, don’t even start wondering why I evacuated on demand. I have exactly no idea. I just mindlessly moved out.
All I know (because I still had a key) is that she had nothing to move into my home except suitcases full of very expensive clothing, makeup, and shoes. No blender, no books, not even a wine glass or potato-smasher. I took my potato-smasher by the way; it seemed logical at the time. She got my RC, but she didn’t get my potato-smasher or my favorite wine glass!
She did acquire my new furniture and old stained linens. Good for her. I’d like to high-five her with a 2×4 in the face—but I digress. For karma, I left her my mom’s hidden ashes for a few weeks. Mom had to be just as pissed as my dog was about that skank squatting in my homestead.
Anyway, I boarded the plane and aimlessly pushed my way to the very back. You know, the seat that doesn’t recline. Like most things these days, that seat was not my choice. But it wasn’t so bad. I am an optimist. I sat for 149 minutes as they repaired the ventilation system, and it gave me time to ponder why and when they banned potato-smashers in carry-on.
The stale air was suffocating. But overwhelming discomfort came from the fact that the woman in front of me was accompanied by her feline in a carry-on, and I am deathly allergic to cats. Consequently, the moment I squeezed into my corner seat, I was clawing at my swollen red eyes. Luckily, I was distracted by a screaming 4-year-old with a limited vocabulary of “No” and “Stupid.” His poor mother must have been nearly deaf because that child had to shriek his insults mere inches from her unresponsive face.
We finally pulled away from the gate … and were delayed … again.
In my glorious optimism, I controlled the urge to run for an exit. I had just sweated through a 2 ½ hour delay at 98 degrees on blazing asphalt. I knew I could endure another hour going nowhere. Air was finally circulating.
I was squished into my little corner by a couple who loudly popped the gum in their jowls from the moment they sat down, relentlessly swirling their tongues to readjust their globs, efficiently cracking and snapping. I gagged when the passenger in front of me leaned her seat back into my lap (she and her cat).
Finally in the air, I began to breathe easier. Well, until my new friend repeatedly leaned over my body to photograph the clouds commenting on “how close we were to heaven.” Meanwhile, her relentless gum popping made me feel like I was in hell!
I suddenly became severely claustrophobic and popped from my seat, escaping to the aisle in one swift leap. It was one of those moves you look back on in amazement. Really, how did I do that?
I stepped into the galley and ordered wine. The flight attendants had observed my “situation” and offered free wine to compensate for my misery. I hung with the flight team for a while, until the conversation turned from my absurd dilemma to airline schedules and crew rosters. Wearing out my welcome, I slyly slipped away.
Not wanting to return to half of my seat, and thinking I had exhausted all options, I haphazardly stumbled upon the most amazing discovery! There just so happen to be private cabins available on airplanes. I know, you didn’t know, right?
As many times as I have flown, I never knew about this hidden compartment. You can’t book it in advance. It isn’t even in first class; it is better, truly private. No one can see you. You can pick your nose without being observed, stand up, move around, sit back, and breathe your own air.
I acquired another complimentary glass of wine, a bag of pretzels, and slithered into the last available secret cabin on the plane without being noticed. It was heavenly. I leaned back on my seat, locked in with my book and wine. It couldn’t have been any finer.
After only 38 minutes of bliss, and after ignoring the knock for as long as I thought believable, I folded the door back and peeked out. I had been discovered. I cried inwardly. No other place on the plane offered a private sink, disposable seat covers, and sanitary amenities. The flight attendant said, with true compassion, that I simply must return to my assigned seat and buckle my seatbelt.
It turns out, that lavatories don’t have them and, when you fly into extreme turbulence, you are required to wear a stupid seat belt.
I’m pretty sure I suddenly became menopausal during the remainder of the flight. My temperature spiked. I broke out into a cold sweat. I became impatient and irritable. My hair began falling out (probably because I was pulling it). I became overly anxious, and I had absolutely no interest in engaging in sex with any of my fellow passengers. That last observation was not uncommon for me in public places, but I still consider my lack of libido during this flight a valid symptom of my sudden transition to menopause.
Back in the corner, I turned to my seatmate, focused on her mouth, and wondered how much gum they allow in carry-on anyway. Could someone use gum, instead of a potato-smasher, as a weapon? She made much more noise with her gum than I’ve ever made with my potato-smasher.
When the plane started flying horizontally forward again, passengers removed their seatbelts and discovered the secret cabin. They swarmed in droves toward my utopia, and I never got back in. I had cat dander; the “Stupid” screaming “No” boy; gum-popping; and the tune “Heaven” in my head until we landed…
Lord help me get away
From this misery
How far is heaven
I know I need to change (seats)
This ain’t livin'
This ain’t heaven.
I optimistically decided that the rest of my flight was an opportune time to plan ahead. I jotted down the following trendsetting turbulent travel coping techniques. (That’s quite a mouthful isn’t it!)
The first thing I vow to do on my next flight, before I even take my seat, is to put a sign on the lavatory door that says, "Do Not Enter." (It’s my escape pod) … And I Will DOiT.
Travel Sanity Life-Back-DOiT
Here is your first Life-Back-DOiT Darlin.’
May this, and subsequent DOiTs at the end of each chapter inspire you with uncommon knowledge and skillful mastery of your joyous journeys through the remainder of your life.
On your next flight, if you’re allergic to the pet in front of you: slyly bark or meow occasionally. There’s really no purpose for this, but I can tell you from experience that it does make time pass more quickly.
If your seat neighbors are annoying, laugh hysterically for five seconds, stop, then glare at them. I guarantee they will stop popping their gum, for a fleeting moment anyway.
The following is a list of essential items to include in your carry-on should you (or I ever) fly again. I believe in sharing, unlike some seat-hogging passengers, and am happy to share these suggestions for your very own…
Travel Sanity Kit:
* Your special wine glass. When you’re in cabin seating (economy) you just get a little wine bottle and plastic cup sans stem. If you chose only one item for your carry-on, a magnificent wine glass is fundamental.
* Ear Plugs, or ear pods for your iPod or cassette player (depending on your level of technological evolution).
* Writing pad & pen – so you can document your misery like I did. You can at least start revising your Will in case you decide to jump out of the plane. You could tweet or Facebook it, but years from now when you read it in your notebook—made of paper—you’ll LOL louder. Paper never loses power.
* Paper Airplane – to target a loud-mouth brat in the back of the head after the 17th time he screams “NO STUPID” at his apathetic mother. That shouldn’t get you in too much trouble if you’re not discovered. Besides, it’s an effective stress reliever, and really fun.
* Chewing Gum – Not for keeping your ears clear during take-off & landing, but for revenge should my “friends” someday sit by you! It may keep you from chewing them out by sharing the joy of annoying activity. Practice now; stick with it, and have a smacking gum time becoming a pop star.
PTSD Warning: If you sit by me while popping your gum, I will straddle your lap and slap you repeatedly.
* Toothbrush – You’ll need it since your luggage won’t arrive for two days. Plus, if you shelter in the private cabin, heck, you have a sink; so why not erase the evidence of a mediocre Merlot.
* Potato-Smasher – Just for the stimulating conversation and confusion you’ll provoke when security pulls it from your firm grasp. I’m still wondering what heinous crimes they imagined me committing with a basic kitchen utensil. Still, I’d rather buy three than leave one for the slut who took over my kitchen. If you are insecure about slipping by TSA with your potato-smasher, bring a second one and hide them in boots as boot shapers … odd shape, but it’s likely they’ll let your potato-smashers past security. It’s all in the presentation.
So, check-in early (so you can hurry to wait), and find joy in knowing they don’t sell gum or serve meals in economy anymore. If you anticipate the likely half-day delay, you may want to consider the following make-ahead snack kit.
The COVID Mask trauma unexplainably caused travelers to become aggressive. To express your frustrations passively, use my Snack Tactics to avoid being banned from commercial jets.
Airplane Snacks for Savory Retribution to Obnoxious Passengers:
– Potato chips in a crinkly bag. Once it’s quiet on the plane, open the bag, and eat one at a time, searching diligently for each chip.
– A tiny shampoo bottle (and a conditioner bottle, and lotion bottle) filled with your favorite wine. You brought your favorite wine glass; put it to good use. (Wash the bottles first.)
– An apple & carrots. Make a big crunch and chew with your mouth open to allow the juices to spurt.
– Big whole pickles. Snap off a chunk so that pieces go flying with vinegary spittle.
– Cooked spaghetti. You know how many slurping sounds you can make with long spaghetti!
I learned these food ideas from previous flights. Thank you, fellow passengers, for the inspiration.
Without intending to seem paranoid, I feel compelled to warn you to never, ever, wear an eye mask. Unless, of course, you have a private compartment. No passenger on your flight has your best interests in mind. While you may not want to, you need to be focused on your surroundings. Keep your eyes open for opportunities to lock yourself in the bathroom for the entire flight. Don’t forget to put a CLOSED sign on the door. Obviously.
What?
There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s usually more than one.
Start Your…
DOiT Journal
Sometimes unescapable distractions force you to focus on a better plan. Start by answering these questions:
Do you have a stressful situation you’d like to escape?
What is it?
How can you escape it? (Like, skip backward to get away. Have fun with it.)
What can you do to cope with uncomfortable encounters?
What’s something annoying you’d enjoy sharing with the tramp who invaded your life?
How many ways can you use a potato-smasher? Respond to my blog at www.lifebackdoit.com/blog/ with your ideas!
While you read, every time you find an encouraging word you want to remember, write it on a piece of paper & hang it from your smasher with twine or yarn.
Some Potato-Smasher-Words from this chapter:
Virtuous, Mecca, Happy, Ingenious, Paradise, Freedom, Oasis, shoes, Optimistic, Heaven, Amazing, Complimentary, Compassion, Utopia, LOL, Sharing, Wine.
We’ll find even better words in the following chapters. We’re just getting started, so grab words as you go and make a feel-good list. I intentionally leave some for you to find, so you can choose freely—like you’re going to do with everything else in your life from now on.
Author Bio:
Debbie Seagle lives in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia near most of the things she loves: family, friends, dirt, water, and mountain air. She has lived almost everywhere and worked as an airshow director, marketing director, operations manager, and Top-Secret senior technical writer for some of the world’s unknown oracles.
Debbie authored a Sunday column in the New Orleans Times-Picayune, was a US Embassy newsletter author/editor/publisher, events director, teenage lifeguard, young military wife grocery-bagger for tips, shampoo girl, united airshow grunt (UAG), senior census field manager, and systems trainer to assist the Secret Service, FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, and others to find bad guys.
When she isn’t hiding at the cabin writing to you, Debbie enjoys being with her family, scuba diving, snow skiing, sailing, gardening, hiking, kayaking, hanging with friends, and good wine in a magnificent wine glass. She once shared a bottle of $1,600 wine with a celebrity. It wasn’t any better than her favorite $28 bottle. That was a life lesson.
She has degrees and certificates for various other obscure vocations, but her lifelong endeavor to become an accomplished juggler has not transpired – yet. Someday she will DOiT.
Random Facts about me (from Debbie Seagle):
1. I’ve jumped out of an airplane 3 times (with a parachute).
2. My Indian name is “Little Whirlwind.”
3. I played the clarinet in the high school concert band.
4. Colonel Sanders touched my boob.
5. Don Hoe grabbed my butt.
6. Bill Clinton winked at me.
7. I had lunch with Nicholas Sparks. He talked to me.
8. I hung out all day with Jeff Foxworthy (once). He signed my sign.
9. Davy Jones & I spent a day at his horse stall. He sang a song to me. My life is complete.
10. I still sometimes twirl a fire baton.
11. I was married to a US Marine and moved 42 times.
12. I’ve been interviewed on TV and radio 72 times.
13. I’ve been to Camp David twice.
14. I planned an international gala ball in the Eiffel Tower.
15. I have 3 sons and 8 grandchildren (so far).
16. I once could do back walkovers on a balance beam.
17. I call my bathroom The Jim. I go to The Jim every morning!
18. I’ve touched 4 US Presidents (I shook their hands, ok?).
19. I’m an expert in fitted-sheet folding.
20. Bananas make my throat itch.
21. I love my truck.
Author Home Page Link
Link To book On Amazon Kindle Unlimited
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